I guess I reached a saturation point when it comes to negativity and negative inputs.  I have tried to remove many negative influences from my life, and it has done me a lot of good.  To this end, I have already deleted 51 old blogs that didn’t add anything positive to the world.

Life’s Mysteries is a general category which I will use to investigate interesting things that have happened to me, that I have observed, or any other entry that seems related to the great Mysteries.

I will no longer be entering blogs related to electronics, especially PC versus Mac and other such time-wasting nonsense.  I will also refrain from entering blogs about the current economic state of affairs, politics, the ineptitude of local drivers and other meaningless rants.  I hope to incite thought and ignite passion about other things…

Stay tuned.

I’ll also never forget the first time I tried to duplicate that perfect martini at home.  Not knowing the slightest thing about vodka (or how to concoct a martini for that matter), I went out and got a bottle of Absolut.  I then grabbed the first bottle of vermouth I saw and grabbed a jar of “martini” olives, soaked in vermouth.  Reading some recipe found in one of those “bartender” guides you see in TJ Maxx for $1.99, I carefully measured 2 oz. vodka and about ½ oz. of vermouth.  I then added five olives …more is better, right?!  Well, the martini was not even drinkable.  One taste and I was sickened.  The vermouth overpowered the drink and the vodka was harsh and cheap.  Then I got hit with the brininess of the vermouth-soaked olives.  Yech!

Years later, I like to think that I have learned a thing or two about how to make the proper dirty vodka martini.  Better than the first one I had, I have tweaked my own recipe over the years.  Here’s a general description of how I do it:

First, start with some good vodka.  My friend loves the extol the virtues of potato based vodka, and to some extent I agree with him that premium potato vodkas are excellent.  But the bottom line is that you need to shell out enough cash to get a premium vodka that works for you.  However, finding the one particular vodka that is right for you requires serious (read: expensive) experimentation.

Next…what good is a premium vodka if you are going to add cheap or old vermouth?  A bottle of Martini & Rossi Extra Dry from your local supermarket is not exactly a bad vermouth…but it is not a good one either!  Gallo?  Nah…still cheap.  Martini Bianco?  Nope.  Cinzano?  Getting there…  Lillet Blanc?  Not really a vermouth…so not really a martini!    Noilly Prat?  Now we’re talking.  Vya?  Very nice.  And guess what?  Vermouth doesn’t last forever…it goes bad…and you need to replace it!  (Hint: Store in refrigerator)

Ok…so you went out and got some premium vodka and some top shelf dry vermouth.  Now what?  Olives.  My ideal pick is the feta-stuffed olives from Whole Foods.  At around $7.99 for 12 olive oil cured gems, they aren’t cheap.  But again, why add cheap ingredients to premium vodka?  For the brine, I tend to like the Santa Barbara olives (unstuffed)….but any olive brine will do.

Now that you have all the ingredients…time to make the dirty martini.  Fill a cocktail shaker (a stainless steel one) with good ice (not that white refrigerator ice-maker stuff).  Add 2 oz. vodka and about to ¼ tsp. dry vermouth.  Add about 1 tsp. olive brine.  Shake vigorously.  Immediately pour into a chilled martini glass.  Spear one olive of your choice and add it to the martini.  Now go savor the martini…preferably away from any kind of stressful situation (such as spouses, kids, etc.)

Like gin martinis?  Bombay is great stuff…but go try Hendrick’s and repeat the above recipe, replacing the vodka with the gin.  Enjoy!

Now that Spring has sprung, many more people (read: Spring exercise dabblers) are out and about.  What I am leading up to in this blog is that there are many more bikers out now than I saw during the winter months.  Unfortunately, not all of these bikers are considerate of others or know the rules of the trail.  In fact, I would say that at least 60% of the bikers I have encountered along the trail are either dangerous to themselves or others or highly inconsiderate of the other humans along the trail.

Let me start with incident one.  It was a Saturday morning, bright and early.  We decided to walk from Econ Trail to Alafaya along the trail: not a short walk by any means.  We walked the length of the trail and were headed back towards Econ.  When we got in the vicinity of Union Park Middle School, we heard the cacophony of a mass of bikes approaching us from behind.  As we always do, we kept to the right hand side of the trail to let the bikes pass.  A few bikes started to pass us: mostly the speed-demon enthusiasts with all of their sponsor garb.  For the most part, they respected us.  Then came the rest of the crowd.  Most of these guys were wearing a some sort of Orange County Cyclist club shirts; I could not read them clearly.  Anyway, several clowns within this bunch were making audible comments about how the “trail belonged to them” and “look…more stupid walkers clogging up our trail…”  One of the members of this “club” was heard by both of us saying “watch this”…and he skimmed me and hit my arm.  Another girl “Yaaaaa OMG….Yaaaaaa” was so busy facebooking and commenting on things that she absentmindedly hit me with her front wheel and left a mark!  The others laughed and some of them haphazardly ran into one another.  Finally, the whole bunch got by.  With me being me, I immediately got on the phone and dialed the Orange County Parks department and reported the whole thing (and I was effectively blown off as a complainer).

Incident two.  We were again walking on the right hand side of the trail when we approached another couple walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the trail.  Again, some sort of cretin, hell-bent on beating some sort of speed-record was approaching at FULL speed on his Tour de France bike.  He was wearing all sorts of sponsor insignia, such as OUC, Lowes, etc.  His idea was simple…full speed at all costs…whisk through the middle.  Unfortunately, the walkers going away from us were unaware of this guy going 30mph toward them.  One of them stepped out in the path to avoid a limb and ALMOST got whacked by this guy.  He failed to state “On your left” or some similar warning.  He just barreled through and kept going, while the woman he nearly killed fell to the ground out of fear.

Incident three.  Happened last week.  Again, we were walking and the trail was particularly busy.  Some kids were playing on the trail with a wagon.  We were going toward them.  From behind the kids, another one of these cyclists from hell was approaching.  He was going at whatever the max speed of his particular bicycle was.  Like any kid with a wagon, he did not progress on a straight line vector…he zigged and zagged…and generally bumbled about.  So when the Tour de France clown came barreling through…he tipped the edge of the wagon…and left the kid shocked and surprised.  Then, to make matters worse, he muttered “D*** F****** KIDS!”  This is another case where these hellbent bikers need to slow down and respect the pedestrians on the trailhead.

Final recent incident: as we were walking on a particularly empty stretch of trail.  I could hear a bicycle approaching me from behind…so we hugged the side of the path to let them pass.  But this biker was on a mission: to enact his internal rage on us.  So as he approached, he started ringing some sort of wimpy bicycle bell…RING RING….RING…RING-A-DING DING…  We kept walking…as he passed…he made all effort  to skim us…and then commented on his pass by…”Damn walkers need to get off in the grass when we ride by…”  Of course, I told him some choice words, followed by an invitation to stop and discuss it man to man…he kept riding…in his bitter rage…

All of these bikers were wrong…in how they dealt with their particular situations.  I see this sort of thing every day too.  For every one good rider, there are 20 bad ones.  Why does that have to be the case?  I suspect it has to do with many different things, but most notably:

1. Competitive snobs. You know them.   Their singular goal in life is to be first in everything.  First in line at Panera while they wait on their skinny soy half-caf.    First and loudest  to speak during social conversations.  First to have the $4500 titanium bike and first to brag about it to others.  All of this “have to be first” snobbery translates to a nasty, inconsiderate human being on the trailhead.
2. Selfish regard. Most bikers have an “us” against “them” mentality, where they think, as bikers, they have been “wronged” somehow…or that “the rest of us” are out to get “them.”  In other words, “we” occupy their bike trails.  “We” motorists clutter up “their” roads.
3. Self Importance. Similar to #2, but has more to do with “my health is more important than yours.”  Translates to a general lack in their life…perhaps it translates to small manhood, the inability to get a loving life-partner, or the general inability to fit in somehow…so biking is how they “dominate” everyone.
4. Ignorance. I would wager that the good majority of bikers out there are not even aware that they are doing anything wrong.  They feel “above” everyone, so they feel immune to the laws, regulations and courtesies.

I guess all of this comes down to … “what do we do with the bikers?”  I for one do not believe that any biker should be on a private, local, state or federally funded  roadway.  Only vehicles belong on roads.  We have thousands of miles of sidewalks in America…yet they remain unused due to regulations and decisions to put the bikes on the roadway.  Yes, walkers are in peril on sidewalks when inconsiderate and ignorant bikers dominate them with their own rules of engagement.  Even so, in my opinion, the bikers should use sidewalks and these types of trails, but they should also use the proper etiquette when riding on these venues.

If any bikers are reading this…then I suggest you read up on posted rules and regulations for the many trails that criss-cross Orlando.  I suggest you read up on pedestrians having the right of way…or on how you should generally yield to pedestrians.  SLOW DOWN.  You are not in some kind of race…and there is no need to endanger others just so you can beat your personal speed record.  Just start using your brains, cretin bikers!

Back in the day, the local news had an investigative consumer fraud reporter named Ellen McFarlane.  One of Ellen’s basic tenets was “If something sounds too good to be true…it probably is.”  One thing Ellen was passionate about was fighting scams that promised something for nothing.  With that in mind, I wanted to see just how shady and manipulative this dishonest car dealer could be…I decided to “take the bait.”

Upon arriving at the dealer,   the first thing that struck me was that you have to go through a whole layer of salespeople just to get into the showroom, only to then be harassed by another several layers of dealers.  And once you make it past these dealers, you can look at the vehicles.  Armed with the letter, we went in.  We went straight to the information desk, but got tackled by the young “Angelo” who was (you guessed it!) “new” on the job.

I produced the letter.  I showed it to Angelo.  He didn’t even break a smile.  He whisked us straightaway to a “conference” table.  At the table, he was matter-of-fact.  “Are you even in the market for a car?”  My answer: “Not really.  We came in for the letter.”  “No problem” he said.  He took us over to a large display board.  “So what this letter is about is you get a $2900 check to put towards a new car.  And you can compare against the dealer board to see if you’ve won something.”  And of course, we didn’t win the car, nor the iPad.  Nor the $100 cash.  But we did “win” the $250 gift card.

Now let me stop here for a moment.  So far, according to the terms of the flyer, we DID win something. And according to the dealer, we DID win something.  So far, everything seemed legal to me.  And as an aside, I was really prepared to duke it out with them, thinking the whole thing was a scam, but more on that later.

According to Angelo, the next step toward claiming the prize was to “have a look around” at some of the cars.  Angelo was green.  He had no idea how to sell a car.  No idea how to motivate a buyer.  He just sort of walked about, showing me Jeep Laredo’s when I asked to see SUVs and Trucks.  But whatever…I didn’t mind seeing them.  After looking at a few nice vehicles, we decided to go claim the prize.  Angelo did the right thing and got us some flyers and contact information.  After that, he said “let me go get your prize.”  Shortly thereafter, he came back with the gift card.  He said “Simply log on to the website listed on the card to claim your prize.”

When we got home, I went to the card’s website, entered the username and PIN.  We were then told that we had “$250 to spend.”  The problem:  everything to choose from on the site was pure junk.  These were items that the dollar store would reject!  Undeterred, I still decided to get a few pen sets for emergency gift reserves.  At $99.99 each, I got 2 pen sets.  Then I went to check out.  The checkout process said I needed to pay $39.99 shipping.  No problem, I thought.  The GC had $50 left on it… Unfortunately, the website said “gift card value cannot be used to pay for shipping.  Shipping must be via a major credit card.”

So that’s the scam.  Lure you in and have you “win” a $250 gift card.  Then find out that the $250 can only be redeemed for worthless junk IF you pay upwards of $40 of your own money for “shipping and handling.”

So what did I learn?  Like Ellen said – you can’t get something for nothing.  I also solidified my belief that this car dealer is unfair.  They are the worst lot of people, pun intended.  I bet these scoundrels would sell their own mothers for profit.  And guess what:  I will NEVER, EVER do business with them.  Imagine that…give a man a raw deal and then expect his future business!  That $250 gift card just cost them untold amounts of money on a future purchase + service calls.  The last laugh is on me.

And guess what…I am not finished with them yet.  My original mission was to expose their scam.  So I have forwarded a report to all of the major news stations – consumer fraud department.  There may not be a legal leg to stand on here…but there certainly is an ethical one.

Both of my parents worked, and I grew up in a lake house in what used to be a small town.  Our back yard was big, and the undeveloped areas beyond that yard were even bigger.  I had a bike, and I rode it every day.  We had a vegetable garden, which I learned to master in those harsh summer months.

One of the things about summer that I most dearly recall is that I always ended my summer break with some sort of wisdom, insight or experience.  Though left to my own devices, my parents did not let me sit idly by, watching mindless TV shows and munching on chips all day in an air-conditioned room.  They gave me jobs and duties, which I did, usually with some measure of reluctance.  But the point is, I did them.  And by doing those mundane tasks and chores, I found myself.  I found out who I was, and others gained insight into my character.  Did I do the job half-assed, or was it done right?

Summers also taught me to build friendships, and showed me how they can be broken down.  I learned a lot about fending for myself, recognizing danger, and making moral choices.  Summers defined me much more than did those droning days of public school.

Many things threaten to take away summer break from our kids these days.  Electronic devices, which were not prevalent (read: non-existant) in my youth are now commonplace.  Most kids these summers sit behind walls and play games or text message one another all day.  Most kids are not given responsibilities or tasks.  Most kids are not reprimanded for staying up past reasonable hours.  Most kids do not have the time, nor the desire to find themselves.  They do not develop their character.  Instead, corporations and academia seeks to entrap these kids in the endless loop of desiring money and material things.  Lazy parents, who don’t want to do that thing called parenting, drop off their kids at day-camps, sporting events, and other activities that expend energy but return little to nothing.

Reading over summer break is a thing of the past.  Most kids don’t even own a book.  Those that do can’t hold them in their hands.  Instead, they strain to see the text on Kindles, iPads and other distracting gadgets.  Before flipping to page two, they are responding to some cryptic text message.

If you are a parent, remind yourself that summers can be magical times for the development of your child.  Don’t dump them off in summer camp just to get rid of them.  Help them grow.  Give them things to do.  Let them experience danger and choices that might affect them.  See how they react, and shape them.  If you are not a parent and you are reading this, then put down the iDevice.  Do something physical…it will strengthen your physical body and will provide an opportunity to develop your mental/spiritual body as well.  Go out there and have a great summer!

Out of luck?  Not so fast.  Now there are dozens of forums out there for this type of information, but most of these forums are infested with socially maladjusted lurkers who are just waiting for you to ask a question as simple as “How do I connect an iPod Touch to the Net if there is no wireless connection?”  They will either tell you it can’t be done or that you should not be considering it in the first place.  You will never, ever get any useful answer from a forum. 

Here’s how it is done.  You will need a computer with a wired internet connection and you will need the administrative priveleges to modify Network Connection settings.  I am also assuming you have a Windows box…I know nothing about Mac’s.  Next, you will need a (preferably) USB based wireless internet card. 

Start by installing the wireless internet card.  I mention a USB based model because you probably don’t want to mess up your laptop or desktop’s wireless settings unless you absolutely have to.  Also, when your IT guy walks by, you can always yank the USB stick and act innocent

So go to Network Connections from Control Panel and right click on the wireless device you just installed.  Choose properties.  On the Wireless Networks tab up top, click Advanced under Preferred Networks  Make the wireless device Computer-to-Computer (ad hoc) Networks Only.  Uncheck the box about connecting to non-preferred networks.  Now that you are back to the Wireless Networks dialog, click Add… under Preferred Networks.  Make up an SSID for the device you added and select WEP data encryption.  Put in a 5 digit passphrase for now.  Beef it up after this is working.

Now go back to Network Connections and right click on your wired Local Area Network connection.  Do Properties, Advanced and check the box on “Allow other network users to connect through this computer’s Internet Connection.”  Click OK.

On the iPod Touch, enable wireless and select the SSID of the wireless device you installed.  Emter your WEP passphrase.  You should now be connected to the net on your Touch through your wired connection!  If not, then I have probably left something out…the premise though is that you use ICS to share your primary wired internet connection.  By making your wireless card an ad-hoc computer to computer access point, your iPod should be able to connect to that device and share the wired connection.

Now…this is not a detailed walkthrough, but intended to show you that it IS possible to do the impossible.  Unfortunately, for every good thing humanity does, there is always an evil IT guy out there writing policies to make your life harder, less productive and more miserable.  So what I’m saying is that this may be against company policy…I don’t know.

I did not find this movie to be believable or scary at all.  In fact, I felt like this movie robbed me of the $3.99 it c0st me to rent it.  There were so many holes and clichés in this movie, I don’t even know where to start, nor do I know if I want to expend the energy to blog about it.  Despite the marketing hype, this was not the scariest movie of the year and it was not a nail-biter.  Heck, my friend Rick who gets frightened out of his gourd watching Wizard of Oz would probably rest easy after watching this movie.  Don’t waste your time and money on this movie.

After watching this miserable failure of a movie, my wife demanded to watch another movie, this time her choice.  She chose Where the Wild Things Are.  We almost didn’t make it through this film, which started off depicting a young boy named Max who obviously has anger issues running amok in a broken household.  After a particularly nasty tantrum, the boy runs away from an incredulous and unconcerned mother and finds a tint sailboat, which he uses to sail across the ocean to a rocky coastline.  Reaching the mainland, he encounters some “wild things” which look like giant muppets or fraggles. 

Running amok, much like Max himself, these Wild Things frolic around, destroying the local forest and generally acting the fool with one another.  Various tantrums are had by all, and the boy is made king of the Wild Things.  After building some enormous and stupid fort, there is dissent amongst the Wild Thing clan and Max eventually sails back home to an equally unconcerned mother.

The movie was creepy. More creepy than the remake (or the original) Willie Wonka.  It was utterly pointless, and definitely, definitely not worth watching.  In addition, I feel the movie is wholly inappropriate for children of any age, as it glorifies “getting your way”, throwing tantrums, and violent activity.

So there you have it.  Two horrible movies in one day.  I guess these make up for the one good movie we have seen this month…Avatar.

I did not want to contribute, and I was perturbed at Whole Foods’ tactic of “charge first, adjust later.”  I suspect that 90% of the population would say “That’s fine” and go about their way.  But I have issues with this tactic.  Asking me is irritating, but forcing it on me is unacceptable.  If I want to contribute to something, I will go out and find something to contribute to.

Then there is the whole “Pink” movement.  Pink has somehow simultaneously become the spokescolor for both “Cancer Survivors” and “Breast Health Awareness.”  And 90% of it has gets filtered into the deep pockets of some bloated brass and glass “institute” like Susan G. Komen.   ”Pink” has become a multi-million dollar marketing ploy all by itself.  There are pink T-Shirts, pink ribbons, pink coffee mugs and even pink colored topiaries in Home Depot for your yard.

My next irritation factor is that I know of no organization that has ever, ever, ever contributed to research that has developed ANY cure for ANY disease or factor.  Have you?  Has diabetes been cured?  Has AIDS been cured?  Do women now live a life without worry of breast cancer?  No, these diseases are still rampant.  Why?  Because people refuse to alter their unhealthy lifestyles.  I believe there are preventative measures for at least reducing the statistical probability of bad news…but I do not believe that Big Pharma holds the key to salvation from disease.

My final gripe is that a friend told me he braved wet and cold this weekend to participate in a 30 mile bike race “for the cure” of diabetes.  I asked him to which diabetes foundation his efforts would contribute.  His answer: “I think JDF, but it might be some other organization.”  I asked him if he had seen the charitable donation disclaimers and how much of his dollar would go to the actual cause versus “overhead and administrative costs.”  He stared at me blankly and said “but I rode 30 miles in the cold and rain!!”

Fact is, not many know what percentage of their “contribution” is going to fund research to “cure” these horrid diseases.  Some may be totally dishonest.  Some may not.  I did an investigation of this sort of thing many years ago and concluded that typically a dollar bill will be divided such that 66% of it goes to the cause and 33% of it goes to a fat cat’s wallet.  I have also personally known people at the top of these ladders, and I assure you that they were getting new Mercedes Benz automobiles every year.

I am just so tired of EVERYone trying to gouge my money, often by guilting me into contributing.  Some lackeys are on the side of the road collecting money in a boot.  Are they legit?  Who knows.  Kids are hosting a car wash…are they legit?  Who knows.  “Walk for the cure” spams me and cold calls me.  Are they legit?  Who knows.

I am very, very careful about my contributions, and I do contribute to certain causes.  You should also be cautious…and realize that you might be imposing a tax on yourself without even realizing it just to fatten some CEO’s wallet.

Most of the manatees were at the river-end of the run, but there were some of them in the boil itself and along the run.  Most of them had deep scars, and there were a few young ones too. 

We took Lilly to see them (who is 4)…she was excited to see them and had many questions.  I hope she will be able to see them when she grows up.

One manatee in particular was very curious about us and very friendly.  He was marked “A6″.  I don’t know what that marking refers to or who is tracking the animal.  Perhaps it cross-references to a name and point of origin. 

Here how it is done, and I apologize for the lack of pictures. 

• 4 – 6oz. filets of cod (bacalao)
• 2 large fresh banana leaves, cleaned with a sponge
• 5-6 very green plantains
• 1 yellow onion
• 1/2 jalapeño pepper
• 2 medium sized tomatoes
• 5 cloves garlic
• 1 bunch cilantro
• 2 tbsp achiote seeds
• 4 tbsp. olive oil
• 1/2 cup smooth creamy peanut butter
• 2 pkt. Sazon goya w/cilantro and achiote
• Fresh ground black pepper (white preferred)

Make the sofrito.  Finely chop the yellow onion, jalapeño (to taste), tomato, garlic and cilantro, add to a medium saucepan.  Add the goya and pepper.  Cook over medium – low heat until the mixture resembles cooked salsa and the onions are tender. 

Make the achiote oil.  Add achiote seeds to a small pan and saute in the olive oil until the oil becomes deep red.  Strain out and discard the seeds, reserving the oil. 

Grate the plantains.  Finely grate the plantains on a box grater using the super-fine teeth side.  The result will look like a paste.  You do not want any chunks.  Be careful as you can easily grate your fingers. 

Make the “filling”.  In a medium sized bowl, fully incorporate the grated plantain paste, the achiote oil and the sofrito.  Mix in the peanut butter.  Set aside.  The mixture will be soupy.

Prep the pan.  Cut the banana leaves to 14 inch lengths.  Turn one stove burner to the High setting and gently heat each cleaned banana leaf over the heated burner.  When the leaves start to turn a shiny color, remove them from the heat and place in a 9 x 13 cake pan that has been lined with aluminum foil.  The step of heating the leaves seals them and prevents the leaves from breaking down during cooking.  Line the pan with banana leaves and reserve enough leaves for the top. 

Assemble the fish.  Add 1/2 of the plantain-sofrito mixture to the bottom of the pan on top of the banana leaves.  Gently lay the raw fish fillets on the plantain mixture.  Top with the remainder of the sofito mixture and cover with banana leaves.  Cover the entire pan with aluminum foil and seal it shut. 

Bake.   Place the pan in a 350 degree oven and cook for 60-90 minutes, checking at the 60 minute mark.  When done, the plantain mixture will become fairly dense, almost like a tamale.  Serve each person one fish fillet and its accompanying filling.  Serves 4.